Self-esteem comes from the feeling of being loved and feeling capable. This develops in our children through the quality of our relationship with them. When you have high self-esteem, you accept yourself and your feelings, you recognize your strengths and have self-respect.

Self-Esteem is nourished when the families:

• Show they love and value one another
• Allow for individual differences
• Appreciate uniqueness
• Communicate openly
• Look for opportunities to be encouraging
• Have a sense of humour
• Recognize that it’s okay to make mistakes
• Find ways to support one another
• Share responsibilities

In families where these things happen, members feel good about themselves. They feel valued and competent. They know they belong.

Here are some ways to build your child’s self-esteem:

• Give feedback that makes a clear distinction between the behaviour and the person. Communicate “I love you, but I don’t like what you’re doing.”
• Encourage independence: “I know you can solve that by yourself.”
• Give responsibility and expect cooperation: “I’ll take care of the laundry, if you’ll put the dirty clothes in the basket.”
• Accept mistakes: In schoolwork, instead of focusing on mistakes, encourage your child: “Look how many answers you got right!” You may want to show that you accept mistakes by not commenting on them at all.
• Encourage your child to see the humorous side of events: “I like your sense of humour.” Show you can laugh at yourself. Make sure you never appear to be laughing at your child.
• Encourage self-appreciation: “You sound pleased with your work.”
• Accept and value the child’s uniqueness: “You’re very imaginative.”
• Be positive: “I’ll bet we can figure out a solution. What ideas do you have?”

By identifying and expressing a positive viewpoint, you show your children a powerful tool for building self-esteem.

Credit: Don Dinkmeyer and Gary D. McKay. The Effective Parent. United States: AGS American Guidance Service, Inc. 1987