Looking back at my parenting journey I remembered feeling very confident during the newborn stage. It seemed instinctual caring for a baby, feeding and dressing them. But once my son got older I became aware of my lack of parenting skills with discipline. Luckily for me, I happened to attend a parenting workshop presented by Alyson Schafer about power struggles. My son was just over two and my daughter was just born and the timing was a blessing. I felt like I was relating to everything she was saying. I just kept nodding my head all evening and laughing because she was so funny acting out the typical power struggles. I learned a lot from Alyson that evening, but it was only the beginning of my parenting journey.

I began reading some popular parenting books, such as, “Children: The Challenge” and “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk”. These books provided me with the groundwork I needed to raise my children in a way that was respectful to both of us. Referred to as ‘mutual respect’. An amazing concept that became the foundation of our home. Once you understand this concept, the whole relationship changes. Rudolf Dreikurs’ quote sums it up perfectly, “The proper way of training children is identical with the proper way of treating fellow human beings.” For me, this equality changed how I parented. I respected them at the age of two, four, six and now fourteen. Shifting my mindset has made a huge impact on my children and I am ever grateful that I discovered this path to parenting. It has made my parenting journey easier, more rewarding and has helped me grow over the years.

Some other basic concepts I’ve learned along the way:

• Accepting Children’s Feelings. I learned the skill of accepting my children’s unhappy feelings, without condoning the behaviour. Jane Nelsen has a saying, “connect, before you correct.” Accepting feelings is the first step towards making that connection with your child. When we accept their feelings, we help calm our children down because they feel understood.

• Focusing on Solutions was another powerful tool and one that builds a relationship that encourages problem-solving and coping with challenges. In Jane Nelsen’s book “Positive Discipline”, she explains that focusing on solutions creates a very different family atmosphere. A parent’s thinking and behaviour will start to change, and so will your children’s.

• Encouragement was the next crucial concept I learned. Encouragement is about providing opportunities for children to develop their perceptions that they are capable, that they can contribute and that they can manage life. Encouragement focuses on the strengths and contributions, and views mistakes as opportunities to learn. This gives children a sense of accomplishment and a sense of self-respect.

I encourage you to adopt some of these positive discipline concepts into your family home and I wish you the best on your parenting journey. If this post inspires you to pick up a parenting book, please check out our Books section on the website to see our selection. Happy reading!

Credit: Jane Nelsen. Positive Discipline. United States: Ballantine Books. 2006.